It can happen in any relationship. Someone starts asking for a few too many favors, they guilt trip or are suddenly nowhere to be found when you need a helping hand. And pretty soon, you start to suspect you’re being used.
Such suspicions may arise in the form of a partner who only texts when it’s convenient for them, or when they want a late night hookup.
Such people are users, and they create an unbalanced, impossible–feeling relationship. The funny thing is, however, that it’s often a two-way street. When someone is being used they are typically sacrificing their own needs for someone else in order to fill a void.
If that sounds like you, don’t worry — there is something you can do. If you are being used, fill yourself up with what therapists call ‘self-care.’ Fill your schedule with activities, get reconnected socially, and foster meaning/purpose through your work, business, spirituality, volunteer commitments, etc.,
Hopefully, you’ll be able to build yourself up enough to no longer take anyone’s crap. But until then, here are some tell-tale signs that someone is using you.
1. They Make You Feel Uncomfortable
Relationships should be comfy and easy, and yet they often so aren’t. Of course, this can happen for any number of reasons, but sometimes discomfort comes from the lack of balance in a relationship. That’s why, if someone is using you, you may start to feel increasingly uncomfortable around them, Chronister says. It’s definitely not a good sign.
2. They Make You Afraid To Say No
In the same vein as above, if someone is using you, they may start this weird sort of power play that leaves you afraid to say no.
3. They’re Only Nice When It’s Convenient
Beware of people who are only super sweet and thoughtful when they want to borrow something, or ask a favor.
4. They Only Call At Night
This one is classic when it comes to dating: the oddly timed text message. Unless you’re both on board for midnight hookups and last-minute dates, don’t settle for this sort of treatment. It’s often a sign the other person is just keeping you around until something better comes along, and that can really hurt.
5. They Are All About The Favors
A user will often paint themselves as the most helpful person on the planet. But, somewhat creepily, they are often only doing so to benefit themselves.
6. They Create A Sense Of Resentment
With all the favors, the guilt-tripping, and the outlandish requests be prepared to feel some resentment. This won’t be the case in a balanced relationship, where everyone’s needs are being equally met.
7. They Don’t Focus On Your Needs
Think about the possible user in your life. Does he or she ever focus on your needs? Probably not. This is why they are a user … if you mention your needs, they will ignore them, or even argue with you. Once you realize what they’re up to, it can all seem pretty obvious.
8. They’ve Used You For Personal Gain
Is your gf or bf betraying your trust, and trying to snatch up everything you love? If so, run for the hills. This person obviously does not have your best interests at heart.
9. They Rope You In Again & Again
Think about the partner who ignores you just until you’re about to give up, before suddenly asking to hang out. It’s the classic move that shows this person is keeping you around for selfish, user-y reasons.
11. They Never Give Anything In Return
Many people have experienced relationships that seem entirely one-sided. When that’s the case, you may feel like you’re the only one putting in any effort, the only one making plans, the only one buying gifts, etc. etc. Again, relationships are about balance. If your partner seems unwilling to occasionally return the favor, don’t be surprised when you start to feel used.
Do pay attention to these little red flags, as well as why you’ve turned yourself into the proverbial doormat. With a little self-care, you can start to even out these unbalanced relationships.
Good luck 🙂