The History of Online Dating From 1695 to Now

Before they went mainstream, personals were a way for same-sex couples to discreetly connect.

Has the Internet really revolutionized dating? Or is hijacking tech for love and sex just what humans do?

* * * * *

Hardly a week goes by without another new think piece about online dating either revolutionizing society or completely ruining our ability to have real relationships. But these hyperbolic pronouncements miss a deeper fact:

At its core, “online dating” isn’t something we just started doing 5, 10 or even 20 years ago. Before the Internet, there were personal ads, and before that, lonely shepherds carved detailed works of art into tree bark to communicate their longing for human contact.

Since the earliest days of mass media and technology, people have been finding ways to broadcast their desires and find connections that might have otherwise eluded them. I mean, one could argue that even Voyager 1’s Golden Record is kind of a massive, interstellar personal ad (complete with the recorded sound of a kiss!) out to the universe. It’s as if humanity decided to document all our best features and send them into space with this message:

Lonely humans seek extraterrestrial lifeforms in Milky Way or nearby. Open to all body types.

* * * * *

The modern newspaper was invented in 1690, and the first personals followed soon after. So dating apps are really the latest manifestation of human beings doing what we’ve always done — create new tools to communicate and then turn around and use those tools to find love, sex, and companionship.

1695: The First Personal Ads
According to history professor H.G. Cocks (seriously —The Best Name Ever for an academic), personal ads began as a way to help British bachelors find eligible wives. One of the earliest personals ever placed was a 30-year-old man, with “a very good estate’, announcing he was in search of ‘some good young gentlewoman that has a fortune of £3,000 or thereabouts.” (£3,000 is equivalent to roughly £300,000 today. #ShamelesslySeekingSugarMomma…)

The 1700s: Personal Ads for Homosexual Safety
Personal ads were one of the only ways for the gay and lesbian communities to meet discreetly and safely at this time. Less-Than-Fun fact: homosexuality was outlawed and punishable by death in the UK by wife-murderer Henry VIII and continued to be illegal until 1967. During this time, gathering sites for gay men known as Molly Houses were subject to regular raids by law enforcement. (Meanwhile, in the future U.S.A., anyone accused of being a “sodomite” doing “buggery” was also legally sentenced to death as of 1776.) Coded words, female names and other signals in personals were channels to privately expressing vulnerability and find companionship that society forbade.

1727: Women Get Smacked Down for Expressing Personal Desire
In 1727, Englishwoman Helen Morrison became the first woman to place an ad in a Lonely Hearts column. She convinced the editor of the Manchester Weekly Journal to place a small ad stating she was “seeking someone nice to spend her life with.” (It’s radical, I know…..)

A man responded to Helen, but it was not the man she was hoping for. It was the mayor, who had her committed to an insane asylum for four weeks.

Women asking for what they want — clearly delusional to 18th-century dudes.

The 1800s: Aristocrats Catch On
Always on the lookout for ways to exploit media for their own ends, aristocrats in the 1800s used personal ads to broadcast their interest in romantic engagements that seem scandalous by today’s standards. An 1841 ad in the Journal of Munich tells of a 70-year-old Baron seeking a woman “between 16 and 20 having good teeth and little feet.”

(Well… maybe not that much has changed for the one percent? )

Mid-1800s: The General Public Follows
In the mid-19th century, the need to advertise for a husband or wife was still considered a “failure” and associated with deviant behavior for many judgmental straight, white, middle-to-upper class people. But as magazines and periodicals such as The Wedding Bell in the US and The Correspondent, Matrimonial Herald and Marriage Gazette in the UK hit the newsstands with immense popularity, matchmaking and personals took off as well, creating the first wave of true mainstream normalization for the personal ad.

The late 1800s: The Scam Emerges
You know, someone’s always got to ruin the party. The popularity of personals paved the way for grifters who soon realized that they could prey on the vulnerability of people seeking love. Scam artists caused a scandal that many newspapers ran with, and personals disappeared practically overnight as public attitudes became more cautious. Phishing, fake profiles, and ads for escorts continue this tradition today.

The early 1900s: The Lonely Rural Farmers, Ranchers, and Shepherds
Around the turn of the last century, personal ads enjoyed a renaissance of popularity, especially in the Western US with low populations and the harsh realities of rural life without a partner. (Farmers Only continues the legacy to find “where all the country girls are” today.)

Some very pragmatic examples of early 20th-century personals:

HOUSEKEEPER: 18 to 30 years of age, wanted by widower, 40. Have prominent position with the rail company, have a 75-acre ranch also house in town; object matrimony if suited; have a boy 13 years old, would not object to housekeeper having a child. Can give best references.

A young woman, reared in luxury, having lost everything and earned her living for the past eight years, is tired of teaching and wishes a home: would like to meet a well-to-do businessman who would appreciate refinement and affection in a wife. Object: matrimony.

If only these two had found each other’s personals then…..

The 1920s: Lonely WWI Soldiers Seek Pen Pals
Personal ads went mainstream again in the early 20th century, when social pressures to get married by 21 (and thus, expectations for relationships) were much lower, thankfully than their earlier incarnations. Many of the postings were simply calls for friends or pen pals. These kinds of ads were especially fashionable among lonely soldiers during World War I.

The 1960s: Counterculture and Computer Love
Removed from the context of wartime, old stigmas crept back in. Like the Internet today, lonely hearts ads were suspected of harboring all sort of scams and perversities. Because they were often used by homosexuals and sex workers, British police continued to prosecute those who placed personals until the late 1960s, when ads became part of the burgeoning youth counterculture.

Meanwhile, a new technology was emerging. In 1965, a team of Harvard undergrads created Operation Match, the world’s first computer dating service. For $3, users could answer questionnaires and receive a list of potential matches, a process that is still used by many dating sites.

1990s-2000s: Second Wave of Mainstream
The explosion of the Internet in the mid-to-late 1990s created a new context for personals, and by the end of the decade, they had become relatively acceptable. Even before the Web itself, bulletin boards and newsgroups hosted a variety of ways people could use technology to meet others with similar interests, including dating. Services such as America Online, Prodigy and eventually Craigslist offered chat rooms, forums and online classifieds of use to singles. By the time Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan AOL’d each other in You’ve Got Mail, it had become clear that the Internet was going to change every aspect of our lives forever — including love and romance. Match.com was founded in 1995, and by 2007, online dating had become the second highest online industry for paid content. (….Can you guess what’s #1?)

2010 – Today
By 2010, different dating sites existed for virtually every city, sexual orientation, religion, race and almost every hobby, making it easier to find exactly what we’re looking for and harder to stumble on someone who exists outside our pre-defined bubbles of identity.

In 2002, Wired Magazine predicted, “Twenty years from now, the idea that someone looking for love won’t look for it online will be silly, akin to skipping the card catalog to instead wander the stacks because ‘the right books are found only by accident.’”

Online dating is the new norm for introductions, replacing the role of traditional personals and in many cases, merging with the functions of social media. If we are going to improve the way people meet one another, we’re going to have to do so by questioning the existing paradigms of online dating and figuring out how to do it better.

One thing is certain: the tenacity with which human beings will seek each other out with any tool available is inspiring. Ultimately, we use the technology of online dating because we crave connection and that desire alone timeless and connects us always.

Thanks to The Huffington Post

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$238USD Spent Annually by An Online Dater

Some dating sites like OkCupid and PlentyOfFish are generally free to use with the option to purchase a premium membership, which unlocks reserved features like unlimited message storage and the ability to see who “likes” you back.

However, other sites like eHarmony and Match require a paid membership to use. Out of the 41 million Americans who have tried online dating, a large number have stuck to it and tested their faith by spending an average of $238 a year for memberships and other perks. This isn’t necessarily a large sum for people who might spend a lot more just for a night out.

MillionaireMatch.com - the best dating site for sexy, successful singles!
MillionaireMatch.com – the best dating site for sexy, successful singles!

71% of Users Believe in Love at First Sight

This fact can say a lot about the people who go online to find love. Perhaps they are die-hard romantics who wear their hearts on their sleeves and believe there is one person out there that’s right for them.

A big part of online dating is finding someone who will go on dates which are “no strings attached”. But the statistics don’t lie: finding true love is the ultimate goal for most. There is still some romance left in the dating world, even when it’s online.

marriage minded models who want to meet you

How To Deal With Jealousy In A Relationship

Jealousy isn’t always a sign of weakness or insecurity. It could also be an expression of love. Understand how to deal with jealousy in a relationship and experience a happier relationship.

Jealousy in a relationship isn’t always easy to handle.

It can confuse anyone into believing that the relationship is threatened even if they’re in a perfect relationship.

Jealousy crops up in many ways, but in essence, it’s a sign of insecurity and the fear of losing the one you love.

And jealousy in a relationship is never ever a bad thing.

No one chooses to be jealous, and almost always it’s misunderstanding and lack of communication that leads to jealousy.

How to deal with jealousy in a relationship

You may get jealous of your partner for several reasons.

You may not like the fact that they’re hanging out with someone else and having a lot of fun, or you may just feel insecure about losing your lover to someone else.

While jealousy due to misunderstanding is acceptable, irrational jealousy isn’t.

When a partner is threatened or feels jealous for the smallest of reasons, it’s almost always a sign of social insecurity and low self-esteem.

You may be driven by your fears of losing the one you love and your insecurities may reveal your jealousy as a plea for more love and care. It is human nature, after all, to crave for reassurance and love when doubt arises.

But you should always remember that jealousy is actually one of the biggest causes of the downfall of a relationship. So when you do feel jealous, you don’t bring your partner closer. In fact, you drive them away with your behavior!

Getting rid of jealousy

Learn to trust your partner and don’t doubt them unnecessarily. Regain your confidence and remember that they do love you, and your lover is not going to stop loving you by just talking to someone attractive.

Let there be no secrecy and if something bothers you, tell your partner in a clear and pleasant manner that you did not like or appreciate their behavior. This is a lot better than the good old show of the green eyed monster.

Coping with the green eyed monster

It’s hard to just smile and sit quietly while your partner is flirting or having a fun time with another attractive person, especially while you’re around. It may also make sense for you to get jealous when you see your mate dancing with someone else at a party, or while they’re hugging and kissing an old attractive “friend” whom they met after a long time.

But you know what, your partner’s behavior is completely acceptable.

Put yourself in their place, wouldn’t you hug or kiss a very good friend of the opposite sex if you bump into them after ages? Wouldn’t you be happy to see them? Have you ever found yourself flirting with someone while your partner wasn’t around? Wouldn’t you dance with a good looking friend if your partner’s too tired to dance anymore?

Jealousy pops out of your head, not by the actions of your partner or anything else, but by your own misconceptions. It’s all about the way you perceive and see things.

Humans have a tendency of being pessimistic and hope for the worst when it comes to relationships, and this tendency affects your rational mind. If you were just sitting with your friends and you notice two of your friends who are dating each other having a petty fight over a bit of jealousy, wouldn’t you tell yourself that they were just acting stupid?

Now how are you behaving when you mistrust your partner all the time? The problem with dealing with jealousy in a relationship is that most people forget to put themselves in their partner’s shoes and see what they would have done. You may have had your share of fun too if you were in your lover’s place.

Jealousy in a relationship – Steps to handle it

It is normal to get jealous in love, but jealousy should never be shoved aside or pushed under the carpet. The only way to overcome jealousy in a relationship is by confronting it and overcoming it. At times you may be the one who’s feeling jealous, or at times, your partner may be the one. The best way to help each other is through effective communication and understanding.

Listen to your partner, really!

Your partner may be trying to say something to you, so pay attention. Most of the times, when jealousy sets in, all your lover wants you to do is pay attention to them, and show them you still care. If you want to work this out, then both of you should be ready to listen to each other and hear what each of you have to say. Try to read your partner’s mind and their actions and give them enough attention if they’re feeling alone while you’re holding someone else’s hand.

Communicate and understand

If you’re annoyed with your partner about something, then just tell them about it. You may sulk and make the day worse for the both of you. Instead of plotting in your mind, just say what’s on your mind and you can work things out faster and have more time to spend in happiness, than in misery. And if your partner wants to tell you something, don’t walk away even if you feel like it makes no sense. Remember, what seems like nonsense to you could mean a lot to your partner when they are hurt and want your reassurance.

Read the signs

Most of the times, even if your partner is hurt or feeling low, they may not tell you anything about it. So look out for signs that suggest they’re upset about something. Give your sweetheart a hug, rub their shoulders or run your hands through their hair and talk to them. Coax your partner into saying what’s on their mind and let them know that they mean a lot to you. Sometimes, it’s easy to misunderstand, but it’s always easier to make a partner feel better if you try.

Put yourself in their shoes

One of the best ways to deal with jealousy in a relationship is to learn to put yourself in your lover’s shoes. What would you have done if you were in your lover’s place? Would you have behaved the same way? Try to always put yourself in their shoes and try and understand what your partner is going through. Perhaps, your partner is just being nice or trying to make a good impression. Does everything in the world have to revolve around your partner wanting to break up with you?

Reassurance

One of the best ways to deal with jealousy is to reassure your partner. If you get angry with your partner for getting jealous, things will only get worse. Tell your mate that you’re sorry to have neglected them, if you did neglect them. Or just reassure your mate and let them know how much you love them and care about them. When someone gets jealous, remember, more than anything else, they’re afraid of losing you and they want your attention, badly!

Jealousy and love

When you feel jealous in a relationship, remember that it’s not a bad sign and it’s not something to be ashamed of. It’s just that you care about someone too much and can’t imagine someone new taking them away from you. At times, you may not like your lover flirting with someone because you feel that they’re having a better time, even without you around. This brings out a feeling of insecurity which can turn into bitter jealousy.

Jealousy can be cute if it’s experienced in moderation, but anything beyond that can change your happy relationship into a frustrated one.

Learn to relax and have a good time when you’re in love, instead of suspecting your lover all the time. Jealousy in a relationship is just a subconscious way to get attention, so learn to face situations and communicate with your partner when you feel low.

And always understand the importance of listening when your partner is depressed or angry for no apparent reason. At times like that, there’s almost always a big reason.

At times, jealousy in a relationship may seem trivial, but if not confronted and overcome, jealousy can burn your relationship apart. Understanding and reassurance are what it takes to hold your love together and overpower the green eyed monster that’s lurking in the corners, waiting to hurt you and make you hate your lover. So overcome jealousy in a relationship and reassure, communicate and fall in love with your sweetheart, more with every day!

Always remember that jealousy in a relationship is the fear of losing a lover and not a sign of aggression or possessiveness. Learn to deal with jealousy in a relationship with these simple tips and you’ll have a healthier and happier relationship.

The Signs Of A Good Relationship

Every time you get into a relationship, you wonder if you’re going to have a good relationship with your lover. But what is a good relationship really?

A good relationship can’t just be found.

It has to be created.

Our lives revolve around love, be it with friends, family or lovers.

We need love in our lives to feel better and live happier.

But are you in a good relationship that’ll give you the bliss and warmth that you crave for?

Ever wondered about what a good relationship is, and what it takes to have a good relationship?

It takes just ten little aspects to create a good relationship.

If you and your partner can boast of achieving all ten of these relationship factors or if you’re almost there, you’ve definitely got the potential to experience all the happy love the world has to offer!

What is a good relationship?

Simply put, a good relationship is a beautiful experience.

It’s easy to find it but it’s even more easy to overlook it.

You can spend all your life looking for true love and a good relationship, and you may never experience it even if it’s right in front of your eyes.

After all, a good relationship requires the happy and willing effort of two lovers, and it blooms more with each passing day.

Want to know if you’re in a good relationship? These ten good relationship factors will show you the way.

#1 You’re happy to be with your lover

#2 You argue constructively, if ever

#3 You love your partner unconditionally

#4 You communicate and learn

#5 You respect each other

So what is a good relationship really? It’s a perfect relationship where two lovers understand each other and love each other. Click here to read the next five points on good relationships and sex, work, support, trust and most importantly, love in how to have a healthy relationship.

MillionaireMatch.com - the best dating site for sexy, successful singles!
MillionaireMatch.com – the best dating site for sexy, successful singles!

Is He Interested In You For All The Wrong Reasons?

Is he interested in you or is he just toying with your feelings? If you want to know if he’s got romance on his mind too, use these signs to find out.

Sometimes, it’s easy to get clouded by your emotions.

You may love your guy like crazy, but he may not share the same feelings.

You may think he truly cares about you.

But he may have his own ulterior motives to date you.

If you’re in a bittersweet relationship where your boyfriend loves you once and pushes you away twice, chances are, he’s either a bad boyfriend who’s not worth your time or a guy who’s using you for his selfish interests.

Is he interested in you for all the wrong reasons?

Ever felt like you’re being used in the relationship?

Sometimes, your instincts are your best judge.

If your boyfriend’s behavior changes every now and then, perhaps it does not just love holding both of you together.

Be rational, even though you’re totally in love with your guy. And use these signs to find out if you’re actually being used instead of being loved.

7 signs he’s using you and not really in love with you

All of us can be selfish now and then. It’s not like we want to, but when we find someone gullible enough to fall for it, we instinctively use them or take them for granted.

Throughout our lives, we’ve used others or manipulated others to help us, be it our parents or our friends.

So if you’re in a relationship with a manipulative guy, you can’t blame him for using you. Instead, you need to blame yourself for being so gullible and falling for his trap perfectly.

There are many ways a guy would try to use you, but here are 7 most common reasons where a guy could pretend like he’s interested in you when in reality, he doesn’t even care half as much as you do.

#1 You’re his rebound. Are you dating a guy who’s just broken up with his girl? Or does your boyfriend spend a lot of time talking about his ex? If you’re dating a guy who’s still obsessed with his past, there’s a good chance that he’s still not over his ex and is using your intimacy only to stitch his heartbreak up.

If you’re thinking of dating a guy who’s overcoming a recent break-up, take things slow and find out if he genuinely loves you before you start dating him. A relationship that’s built over open wounds will lose its importance once the old wound heals.

#2 He wants you to be his arm candy. Some guys don’t really care who they’re dating as long as his friends think she’s attractive. You could be the dumbest or the snottiest person in the world, but he wouldn’t care as long as you cling on to him when he’s out with his friends.

Are you dating a guy who tries to hold you really close or indulges in public display of affection only when he’s in front of his friends? Does he ignore you or avoid cuddling you when both of you are at home? If a guy gets touchy feely in public or when his friends are around but avoids intimacy or romantic gestures when no one’s around, he’s probably only using you to show off in front of his friends.

Stop him when he tries to get physical in front of others and watch how he reacts. If it annoys him or if he tries to manipulate you into doing something in front of others, he’s definitely using you.

#3 To have sex with you. Sometimes, a guy may pretend like he’s fallen in love with you only to have sex with you. And once he gets to do that a few times, he’d start to lose interest in you or may start to take you for granted. Are you in a relationship where your guy’s lost interest in you ever since both of you had sex?

It sucks to be in a relationship like this, but you know what, there’s nothing you can do about it. If a guy you’re dating isn’t making an effort to keep love alive, he doesn’t deserve a great girl like you. End the relationship, learn from your mistakes and move on.

And always remember this. Don’t ever get pressurized into having sex very early into a new relationship. It kills the excitement. Wait at least a couple of months before you go to bed with any guy *unless you’re interested only in the sex too*. If he truly loves you, he can learn to stick around.

#4 To get back at his ex. This is more common than you can ever imagine. Many guys date a new girl immediately as soon as they break up only to annoy their ex. How can you tell if he’s using you and not really interested in you? Here are two clues. He would try to take you to places where his ex hangs out almost all the time. Or by some miraculous coincidence, both of you would constantly bump into his ex now and then and he’d be more than happy to bump into her. And at times, he may even hold you closer when his ex is around.

There are two things you need to know about this type of a guy. He would go to any end to hurt the people who upset him even if they’re upset already. And two, he doesn’t love you.

#5 Your connections. Are you a popular girl with a lot of friends? Or are you working somewhere influential and have a lot of powerful friends? You’d definitely be on the date list of many guys who could benefit from the people you know.

Are you dating a guy who prefers meeting you when your friends are around? Or does he love going to social gatherings with you? If he likes public dates more than a romantic twosome date, that’s something you need to think about, don’t you think? At the start of a new romantic relationship, all lovers want to do is lock themselves away from the rest of the world, not hobnob with each other’s friends!

Your guy may be using you only to advance his own career prospects or to become the new popular kid in town. Avoid these guys because they’ll squeeze you dry and walk all over you once they’ve got what they wanted.

#6 Sugar momma. If you’re a girl with a lot of money in the purse, you always need to be cautious about the kind of guys you date. Almost always, more than half the guys you date would be after your money than anything else.

Reading the signs of a guy who’s dating you only because you’re rich is never easy. Many guys pretend to behave chivalrously and never make it seem like they’re after you for the money until they’ve hooked you deeply. But if you find that you’re the one who’s doing more of the splurging on dates and gifts, it’s a good sign.

Stop buying him things or taking him out to expensive dinners for a couple of weeks or a month, and if his behavior changes, you’ll realize he’s into you only for the money.

#7 Easy pickings. Were you the one who asked the guy out? This is a common scenario that we see every now and then when a girl asks a guy out. When you ask a guy out or tell him that you like him, he may not really like you but he may accept to date you because he’s got nothing better to do every evening anyways. And by dating you, he gets to make out with you and go out with you all the time even if he doesn’t like you.

This is the kind of guy who blows hot and cold all the time. He may behave like a sweet guy at times, or completely ignore you at other times. To avoid this scenario from ever cropping up, avoid telling a guy your true feelings until you feel like it’ll be reciprocated by him.

Take your time before dating him, and get to know him better through a few casual dates. If he seems unenthusiastic now and then, he’s probably not as interested in you as he says he is and is just using you to pass the time.

It’s hard to truly find out if a guy’s really interested in you for the right reasons. After all, even the nicest guys may be seen using these signs now and then in their own small ways.

But your instincts will help you be the best judge when it comes to matters of the heart. So is he interested in you for the right reasons? You’ll be able to tell now, won’t you?

Plenty Of Fish – Plenty Of Bugs

POF is free Online Dating Site, but some features to use, you have to pay. BUT, it has bugs and some not free features, can be used for free. Here is how.

Wanna see who reads your messages? 

Ager to know if your messages got to read? Then follow the next steps:

  1. Install POF app on your cell phone. No worries it is free
  2. Tap on ‘Inbox’ icon
  3. Scroll once to left. See ‘Sent Messages’ list? Here you can see all messages with Read/Unread status. For FREE

 

 Wanna know who wants to meet you?

Easy:

  1. Install POF app on your cell phone if you haven’t done so yet
  2. Tap on ‘Meet Me’ icon
  3. Scroll once to left. Now you can check who wants to meet you. For FREE

Wanna see hidden profiles?

Are you sure he/she deleted the profile? Or just said so to you? Wanna know the truth? Here we go:

  1. First of all, you have to know the user’s nickname
  2. Now, make sure you logged out from the POF or open another browser which you usually don’t use (For me, I never use FireFox, but Google)
  3. Type the nickname in the browser and add pof
  4. Hit ‘Enter’
  5. If the user really deleted profile, then you won’t see this name with link to POF on the list of results
  6. If the user just ‘Hide’ his/her profile, then you will see it on the returned search list

NOTE: All experiments with fishing were done with Windows Phone. Not sure how it will work on other cell phones. But you can let me know in your comments 🙂

Happy Fishing!!!