The History of Online Dating From 1695 to Now

Before they went mainstream, personals were a way for same-sex couples to discreetly connect.

Has the Internet really revolutionized dating? Or is hijacking tech for love and sex just what humans do?

* * * * *

Hardly a week goes by without another new think piece about online dating either revolutionizing society or completely ruining our ability to have real relationships. But these hyperbolic pronouncements miss a deeper fact:

At its core, “online dating” isn’t something we just started doing 5, 10 or even 20 years ago. Before the Internet, there were personal ads, and before that, lonely shepherds carved detailed works of art into tree bark to communicate their longing for human contact.

Since the earliest days of mass media and technology, people have been finding ways to broadcast their desires and find connections that might have otherwise eluded them. I mean, one could argue that even Voyager 1’s Golden Record is kind of a massive, interstellar personal ad (complete with the recorded sound of a kiss!) out to the universe. It’s as if humanity decided to document all our best features and send them into space with this message:

Lonely humans seek extraterrestrial lifeforms in Milky Way or nearby. Open to all body types.

* * * * *

The modern newspaper was invented in 1690, and the first personals followed soon after. So dating apps are really the latest manifestation of human beings doing what we’ve always done — create new tools to communicate and then turn around and use those tools to find love, sex, and companionship.

1695: The First Personal Ads
According to history professor H.G. Cocks (seriously —The Best Name Ever for an academic), personal ads began as a way to help British bachelors find eligible wives. One of the earliest personals ever placed was a 30-year-old man, with “a very good estate’, announcing he was in search of ‘some good young gentlewoman that has a fortune of £3,000 or thereabouts.” (£3,000 is equivalent to roughly £300,000 today. #ShamelesslySeekingSugarMomma…)

The 1700s: Personal Ads for Homosexual Safety
Personal ads were one of the only ways for the gay and lesbian communities to meet discreetly and safely at this time. Less-Than-Fun fact: homosexuality was outlawed and punishable by death in the UK by wife-murderer Henry VIII and continued to be illegal until 1967. During this time, gathering sites for gay men known as Molly Houses were subject to regular raids by law enforcement. (Meanwhile, in the future U.S.A., anyone accused of being a “sodomite” doing “buggery” was also legally sentenced to death as of 1776.) Coded words, female names and other signals in personals were channels to privately expressing vulnerability and find companionship that society forbade.

1727: Women Get Smacked Down for Expressing Personal Desire
In 1727, Englishwoman Helen Morrison became the first woman to place an ad in a Lonely Hearts column. She convinced the editor of the Manchester Weekly Journal to place a small ad stating she was “seeking someone nice to spend her life with.” (It’s radical, I know…..)

A man responded to Helen, but it was not the man she was hoping for. It was the mayor, who had her committed to an insane asylum for four weeks.

Women asking for what they want — clearly delusional to 18th-century dudes.

The 1800s: Aristocrats Catch On
Always on the lookout for ways to exploit media for their own ends, aristocrats in the 1800s used personal ads to broadcast their interest in romantic engagements that seem scandalous by today’s standards. An 1841 ad in the Journal of Munich tells of a 70-year-old Baron seeking a woman “between 16 and 20 having good teeth and little feet.”

(Well… maybe not that much has changed for the one percent? )

Mid-1800s: The General Public Follows
In the mid-19th century, the need to advertise for a husband or wife was still considered a “failure” and associated with deviant behavior for many judgmental straight, white, middle-to-upper class people. But as magazines and periodicals such as The Wedding Bell in the US and The Correspondent, Matrimonial Herald and Marriage Gazette in the UK hit the newsstands with immense popularity, matchmaking and personals took off as well, creating the first wave of true mainstream normalization for the personal ad.

The late 1800s: The Scam Emerges
You know, someone’s always got to ruin the party. The popularity of personals paved the way for grifters who soon realized that they could prey on the vulnerability of people seeking love. Scam artists caused a scandal that many newspapers ran with, and personals disappeared practically overnight as public attitudes became more cautious. Phishing, fake profiles, and ads for escorts continue this tradition today.

The early 1900s: The Lonely Rural Farmers, Ranchers, and Shepherds
Around the turn of the last century, personal ads enjoyed a renaissance of popularity, especially in the Western US with low populations and the harsh realities of rural life without a partner. (Farmers Only continues the legacy to find “where all the country girls are” today.)

Some very pragmatic examples of early 20th-century personals:

HOUSEKEEPER: 18 to 30 years of age, wanted by widower, 40. Have prominent position with the rail company, have a 75-acre ranch also house in town; object matrimony if suited; have a boy 13 years old, would not object to housekeeper having a child. Can give best references.

A young woman, reared in luxury, having lost everything and earned her living for the past eight years, is tired of teaching and wishes a home: would like to meet a well-to-do businessman who would appreciate refinement and affection in a wife. Object: matrimony.

If only these two had found each other’s personals then…..

The 1920s: Lonely WWI Soldiers Seek Pen Pals
Personal ads went mainstream again in the early 20th century, when social pressures to get married by 21 (and thus, expectations for relationships) were much lower, thankfully than their earlier incarnations. Many of the postings were simply calls for friends or pen pals. These kinds of ads were especially fashionable among lonely soldiers during World War I.

The 1960s: Counterculture and Computer Love
Removed from the context of wartime, old stigmas crept back in. Like the Internet today, lonely hearts ads were suspected of harboring all sort of scams and perversities. Because they were often used by homosexuals and sex workers, British police continued to prosecute those who placed personals until the late 1960s, when ads became part of the burgeoning youth counterculture.

Meanwhile, a new technology was emerging. In 1965, a team of Harvard undergrads created Operation Match, the world’s first computer dating service. For $3, users could answer questionnaires and receive a list of potential matches, a process that is still used by many dating sites.

1990s-2000s: Second Wave of Mainstream
The explosion of the Internet in the mid-to-late 1990s created a new context for personals, and by the end of the decade, they had become relatively acceptable. Even before the Web itself, bulletin boards and newsgroups hosted a variety of ways people could use technology to meet others with similar interests, including dating. Services such as America Online, Prodigy and eventually Craigslist offered chat rooms, forums and online classifieds of use to singles. By the time Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan AOL’d each other in You’ve Got Mail, it had become clear that the Internet was going to change every aspect of our lives forever — including love and romance. Match.com was founded in 1995, and by 2007, online dating had become the second highest online industry for paid content. (….Can you guess what’s #1?)

2010 – Today
By 2010, different dating sites existed for virtually every city, sexual orientation, religion, race and almost every hobby, making it easier to find exactly what we’re looking for and harder to stumble on someone who exists outside our pre-defined bubbles of identity.

In 2002, Wired Magazine predicted, “Twenty years from now, the idea that someone looking for love won’t look for it online will be silly, akin to skipping the card catalog to instead wander the stacks because ‘the right books are found only by accident.’”

Online dating is the new norm for introductions, replacing the role of traditional personals and in many cases, merging with the functions of social media. If we are going to improve the way people meet one another, we’re going to have to do so by questioning the existing paradigms of online dating and figuring out how to do it better.

One thing is certain: the tenacity with which human beings will seek each other out with any tool available is inspiring. Ultimately, we use the technology of online dating because we crave connection and that desire alone timeless and connects us always.

Thanks to The Huffington Post

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Online Dating? Thanks, But No Thanks

About five years ago, I abruptly ended a 10-year relationship with a man I loved and trusted. Being 54 at the time made it that much harder as the prospect of finding someone else I was so compatible with at my age seemed grim at best.

I left him because I discovered that he had filled out dating profiles on every imaginable dating genre available. There were kinky ones, Christian ones, farming ones, pornographic ones, college ones and well, you get the gist. You can imagine my horror to find that this man I trusted was actually dating while living with me! He actually met a few women personally which is a definite deal breaker but even filling out a profile, responding to invitations to chat and continuing conversations about meeting up or, in some cases, just jumping right into online intimacy is the same thing. It’s cheating.

Before leaving, I did go in and change all of his profile settings. He was now interested in men only, very elderly people and weight lifters; anything that was the opposite of what he originally filled in. I can only imagine the responses he got. Oh, I also signed him up via phone and email for several time sharing opportunities and sent requests to real estate agents to contact him because he was interested in selling his house. Also, I may or may not have shared his information with several health insurance agents requesting phone calls about their incredible, low-cost programs.

He knew I had done it but couldn’t confront me for by doing so, he was admitting guilt. Silly man, never leave your pages open! It was obviously killing him not being able to confront me about my discovery but what could he possibly say? “Thanks for changing my dating profiles, now you’ve gone and screwed everything up!” He had to suffer silently. I enjoyed it.

I moved back to the area where I grew up in and now live with my brother. I have not dated since. My married friends saddened I was now alone, were determined to find me the perfect man. “Fill out a profile on a dating site!” they said. “It will be fun!” they said. It was not fun.

After several glasses of wine and if memory serves me correctly, some sort of coven-like ceremonial dancing involving moonlight, twirling around in flowy gown attire (picture Stevie Nicks), a bubbling cauldron (and there are some fuzzy flashbacks of some sort of cult sisterhood blood letting) I agreed to join a dating site. I truly couldn’t remember nor could I discern if the stain on my flowy attire was wine or diluted blood. I never investigated further, some things are better left unknown (your partner dating while in a supposedly committed relationship with you does NOT fall into this category, let there be no confusion).

I joined some site that was offering a “free trial weekend” where you could actually communicate with potential ‘love of your life’ candidates. Imagine! You could actually communicate! I didn’t realize there was any other way of finding your “soul mate” without actually communicating but hey, I was 54, what did I know?

I took extra care to fill out my profile and luckily, I had prior experience under my belt from changing all the settings on my ex’s numerous dating sites. I thought that if I were really going to try this, I should be very honest in my answers so as not to waste my time or my “one and only-s.” Why I assumed others did the same, I don’t know! I am going to pull the age card on this one… again.

I was quite flattered when I got my first “flirt” within minutes of posting my profile. How exciting! How special I must be. My ego deflated rapidly when my notifications started dinging furiously, sounding a bit like a child banging on the xylophone. I realized after opening the flirts and looking over my potential suitors that I must have signed up on some sort of prison dating site and if that weren’t frightening enough, after perusing a few profiles and their answers to the same questions I had spent hours toiling over, realized it must have been from the psychiatric ward housing the most heinous offenders.

The scrawl that was legible seemed to contain small phrases such as, “sumone who is pretie” or “i like lots afekshun.” Gasp! My picture, and a lovely one which took me many hours, an entire bottle of Pinot Noir, the good $12 stuff, to select was now released into the vast unknown. To add to my already shaken sense of security, I found that most of these wonderful candidates lived within miles of me. Lucky me! Could they find me? No address was on the profile, so surely not. Was I in danger? What if I ran into ‘SexmusheenSam’ while shopping at Safeway? What would I do? Did I now have to travel about incognito? I know I have a Suzanne Sommers wig here somewhere, should I dig through all those must have midnight clearance sale items purchased from HSN I couldn’t live without and brush and style it? What if I looked horrible in it? Could I go out looking unfashionable when I spend a good deal of time watching what I eat and exercising so I still manage to look fairly fetching?

One problem only led me to endless others and I was now completely overwhelmed at the thought of having ‘Hum-donger’ tapping me on my shoulder in a parking lot, displaying his three crooked, yellow teeth in a maniacally twisted grin saying, “I no yew, yer my favorite lady on that that day in web!” Once recovered from breath that I’m sure could only be described as vomitus epicycles, what would I say? I can’t be rude, particularly when representing Suzanne Somers and her Fun Flirty Fashion Fiesta Pixie Cut All Natural Looking Wiglet! What if I ran into my ex in his pursuit for “any woman not me?” My brain was actually exploding.

Scenarios like this plagued me and my 44 Magnum at night while buried under the covers. I had finally reached the height of paranoia and launched out of bed, opened my computer and deleted my profile post haste. Enough was enough. I honestly did not feel much better, who knows whose hands (shudder) my profile was in. I had no control over that but at least it wouldn’t still be ricocheting out there in Psychoville.

Things have settled down now, my friends no longer worry that I am alone because they see I rather enjoy it, in fact, I think some are conspiring to abandon their husband’s so they, too, can experience life on the freedom train. I like me. I’m fun. I go out when I want, where I want and answer to no one (well, my sons believe I am completely senile so they check on me hourly which is highly annoying!). If I happen to meet a nice man, so be it. I will tell you that if I ever get to the point where I am at his home, I will check his computer while he is busy attending to whatever psychotic habit I’m sure he has not revealed to me yet. Skeptical? Very! I still believe there are good men out there but for me, a dating site is not where I want to meet one.

All in all, life in my 50s is great. Well, the wig is scratchy and the Jackie O sunglasses and chin tie scarf can be difficult to pull off at times. But I manage quite nicely.

via The Huffington Post

Ruined Plans

“I joined OKC four years ago hoping to hook up with a bunch of girls. I spent a week messaging a few girls and decided to meet the first of these girls to put my plan into action. We ended up hitting it off and started dating exclusively. Four years later, and we are still dating. She completely ruined my plan.”

via GIPHY

Why You Can’t Find Love

Are you wondering why you can’t find love? Or are you looking for love with no luck? If you really want to find love and lead a happy and romantic life, you need to give these pointers a thought.

Do you want to find love? Of course, you do. All of us do.

But just because you can’t find love around you doesn’t mean you’ll never find love.

You can look into the mirror every day and ask yourself the same question, “will I find love?” hoping the answer will be an affirmative one day. But staring into a mirror won’t really change your life.

Why you can’t find love

There are a lot of couples in the world, and an equally high number of single men and women. So why is it that you can’t find love when everyone else seems to be jumping between partners all the time?

You may feel like the world is conspiring against you and pushing every eligible partner away from you.

Or it may be because of your hectic work hours or your lack of drop dead gorgeous looks or missing funny bone. You can have a lot of reasons. But the real truth is far more simpler and truthful.

You can’t find love because you’re not giving yourself the opportunity to find love.

It’s really that simple. The only person stopping yourself from finding love is yourself.

Looking in the mirror

Why do you think you can’t find love? Look into that mirror and list out the reasons. You’re short? Ugly? Boring? Not earning enough money? Not a great communicator? Or all of the above?

But then again, haven’t people with all the shortcomings I’ve mentioned above getting loving partners and leading happy lives? So why is it not working for you?

The truth? You can’t find love because you’re letting those shortcomings get in the way. It’s weighing your confidence down like a big bag of bricks on your back.

It’s easy to lose motivation and confidence, and finally, give up. But giving up really has never helped anyone.

On the other hand, we have people who are extremely confident about their appearances and everything else, but they’re still single and looking for someone. Why are they single?

Looking for love

If you really want to find love, you need to be looking for love. Many people say that it’s better not to go looking for love. They say love will come to you when the time is right. But that’s not true.

Why is looking for love any different from looking for a job? You can’t sit back and wait for the perfect job to land in your lap. You have to look for it. Sometimes, people get lucky, of course. But it’s not always the case.

Never stop looking for love. But then again, don’t run around frantically waving your hands and yelling “I want to find love!” Love, just like everything else has to be sought out.

Finding love around you

Finding love isn’t as *easy* as finding a great job though. Finding love is complicated and tricky, and you’re never going to know where to find it. But if you’re single and can’t find love, you need to do something about it. One of the best things to do is go out and meet people.

If you’re looking for love, you need to have an active social life. But then again, it doesn’t mean you should go out with the same bunch of friends to the same old clubs. Do something different. Remember, finding love is like meeting with an accident. It happens when you least expect it. If you really want to experience true love, you have to stop being cautious and holding back. You need to meet new people, make friends, and hang out with new friends every week or so.

The more people you meet, the higher the odds of you finding true love. And believe me, true love is looking for you too. So the more initiative you take, the faster you’ll find love.

Creating opportunities while looking for love

So you don’t have too many friends who have other friends? It doesn’t matter! Join a yoga class, or a dance class, or participate in some community event. The world is full of opportunities to meet your lover. And it’s only you that’s holding you back.

If you really put in even a bit of effort, you’ll be able to see how easy it is to meet new friends and interact with potential love interests. And every time you meet a few more people. The odds of finding someone who will fall in love with you will only increase as you meet more people.

Dealing with rejection

Now this one is obvious. When you’re looking for love, you are going to have to deal with rejections. You can’t expect everyone you fall in love with to fall right back into love with you. So learn to deal with rejections gracefully. It’s just like a job application. You can’t really get any job you want, every time you send in an application, right? If someone’s not interested in going out with you, move on and try to find someone who likes you back too.

Stay positive

No matter what happens in your pursuit of love, stay positive. You never know who’s looking at you from far away, slowly falling in love with you every day. As long as you make new friends, meet new people and stay positive, love will come knocking on your door sooner than you think.

If you’re looking for love and want to find love, but can’t find love, you only have yourself to blame. It’s easy to blame circumstances, but it takes a brave person to accept that it’s their own fault. And it’s the brave person who takes chances and will eventually find love and lead a happy life. So who are you going to be?

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Why Are You Bored With Your Relationship?

You don’t need to feel guilty if you’re getting bored with your relationship. You just need to understand why you’re bored and do something about it!

Relationships are tricky places to be in.

Sometimes, it makes you feel like the happiest person in the world.

And at other times, it spirals you back onto the ground and makes you wonder if you even want to be in one.

Do you feel like you’re getting bored with your relationship?

You’re not the only person with those thoughts on your mind, so you really don’t have to feel guilty about it, even if your lover is head over heels in love with you.

Sometimes, these things just happen.

But should it come as a surprise to you if you get bored in love?

No.

Almost always, boredom sets into a relationship because you didn’t do anything to prevent it.

Are you bored with your relationship?

You may be in love for a long time. For few, it may take months, and for many others, it may take a few years.

But at some inevitable point in your love life, you may wonder if you’re really actually happy being in the relationship.

So why does that happen? You didn’t plan on falling out of love, but it just happened. You wake up one morning and you’re just not interested in staying in love anymore. You could push the thought aside and continue on in your relationship, or you could jump into an affair with someone sexy and fun. You could do any of those, and more.

But before you actually go blaming love and its mysterious ways that led to the downfall of your present relationship, you need to ask yourself a few questions.

Why are you really bored? What do you want to do about it? And most importantly, what are the reasons behind why you got bored of your relationship?

Once you understand why you’re getting bored with your relationship, you can prevent it from ever happening again. And unless you truly understand the reasons behind the boredom, you’ll never really be able to enjoy a happy relationship without a bit of drama and boredom now and then.

15 reasons why you’re bored with your relationship

The reasons for your boredom could be one of these or all of them. If you can learn to eliminate these flaws or distractions from your life, you’d surely be able to overcome the boredom and enjoy a perfect relationship.

#1 The daily routine.

#2 The frenzied excitement.

#3 The fragile foundation.

#4 Better opportunities.

#5 Emotional affairs.

#6 Sex is just boring.

#7 Special memories.

#8 Communication.

#9 Spontaneity.

#10 You miss being single.

#11 Shared goals and passions.

#12 Together time.

#13 Someone else excites you.

#14 Annoying partners.

#15 You’ve lost your life.

What do you do now that you’re bored with your relationship?

The answer is simple. What do you want to do? What’s the first solution your mind gives you? Do you want to fix it or do you want to move on?

Work hard towards a better relationship and fix it. Or talk to your partner and take a temporary break from each other.

You don’t have too many options here. If you’re bored with your relationship, it’s better to confront it now or both of you may end up hating each other and move towards a messy breakup in future

Use these 15 reasons why you’re bored with your relationship to understand your relationship boredom better. And once you know the cause, make up your mind on what you want to do next.

How To Deal With Jealousy In A Relationship

Jealousy isn’t always a sign of weakness or insecurity. It could also be an expression of love. Understand how to deal with jealousy in a relationship and experience a happier relationship.

Jealousy in a relationship isn’t always easy to handle.

It can confuse anyone into believing that the relationship is threatened even if they’re in a perfect relationship.

Jealousy crops up in many ways, but in essence, it’s a sign of insecurity and the fear of losing the one you love.

And jealousy in a relationship is never ever a bad thing.

No one chooses to be jealous, and almost always it’s misunderstanding and lack of communication that leads to jealousy.

How to deal with jealousy in a relationship

You may get jealous of your partner for several reasons.

You may not like the fact that they’re hanging out with someone else and having a lot of fun, or you may just feel insecure about losing your lover to someone else.

While jealousy due to misunderstanding is acceptable, irrational jealousy isn’t.

When a partner is threatened or feels jealous for the smallest of reasons, it’s almost always a sign of social insecurity and low self-esteem.

You may be driven by your fears of losing the one you love and your insecurities may reveal your jealousy as a plea for more love and care. It is human nature, after all, to crave for reassurance and love when doubt arises.

But you should always remember that jealousy is actually one of the biggest causes of the downfall of a relationship. So when you do feel jealous, you don’t bring your partner closer. In fact, you drive them away with your behavior!

Getting rid of jealousy

Learn to trust your partner and don’t doubt them unnecessarily. Regain your confidence and remember that they do love you, and your lover is not going to stop loving you by just talking to someone attractive.

Let there be no secrecy and if something bothers you, tell your partner in a clear and pleasant manner that you did not like or appreciate their behavior. This is a lot better than the good old show of the green eyed monster.

Coping with the green eyed monster

It’s hard to just smile and sit quietly while your partner is flirting or having a fun time with another attractive person, especially while you’re around. It may also make sense for you to get jealous when you see your mate dancing with someone else at a party, or while they’re hugging and kissing an old attractive “friend” whom they met after a long time.

But you know what, your partner’s behavior is completely acceptable.

Put yourself in their place, wouldn’t you hug or kiss a very good friend of the opposite sex if you bump into them after ages? Wouldn’t you be happy to see them? Have you ever found yourself flirting with someone while your partner wasn’t around? Wouldn’t you dance with a good looking friend if your partner’s too tired to dance anymore?

Jealousy pops out of your head, not by the actions of your partner or anything else, but by your own misconceptions. It’s all about the way you perceive and see things.

Humans have a tendency of being pessimistic and hope for the worst when it comes to relationships, and this tendency affects your rational mind. If you were just sitting with your friends and you notice two of your friends who are dating each other having a petty fight over a bit of jealousy, wouldn’t you tell yourself that they were just acting stupid?

Now how are you behaving when you mistrust your partner all the time? The problem with dealing with jealousy in a relationship is that most people forget to put themselves in their partner’s shoes and see what they would have done. You may have had your share of fun too if you were in your lover’s place.

Jealousy in a relationship – Steps to handle it

It is normal to get jealous in love, but jealousy should never be shoved aside or pushed under the carpet. The only way to overcome jealousy in a relationship is by confronting it and overcoming it. At times you may be the one who’s feeling jealous, or at times, your partner may be the one. The best way to help each other is through effective communication and understanding.

Listen to your partner, really!

Your partner may be trying to say something to you, so pay attention. Most of the times, when jealousy sets in, all your lover wants you to do is pay attention to them, and show them you still care. If you want to work this out, then both of you should be ready to listen to each other and hear what each of you have to say. Try to read your partner’s mind and their actions and give them enough attention if they’re feeling alone while you’re holding someone else’s hand.

Communicate and understand

If you’re annoyed with your partner about something, then just tell them about it. You may sulk and make the day worse for the both of you. Instead of plotting in your mind, just say what’s on your mind and you can work things out faster and have more time to spend in happiness, than in misery. And if your partner wants to tell you something, don’t walk away even if you feel like it makes no sense. Remember, what seems like nonsense to you could mean a lot to your partner when they are hurt and want your reassurance.

Read the signs

Most of the times, even if your partner is hurt or feeling low, they may not tell you anything about it. So look out for signs that suggest they’re upset about something. Give your sweetheart a hug, rub their shoulders or run your hands through their hair and talk to them. Coax your partner into saying what’s on their mind and let them know that they mean a lot to you. Sometimes, it’s easy to misunderstand, but it’s always easier to make a partner feel better if you try.

Put yourself in their shoes

One of the best ways to deal with jealousy in a relationship is to learn to put yourself in your lover’s shoes. What would you have done if you were in your lover’s place? Would you have behaved the same way? Try to always put yourself in their shoes and try and understand what your partner is going through. Perhaps, your partner is just being nice or trying to make a good impression. Does everything in the world have to revolve around your partner wanting to break up with you?

Reassurance

One of the best ways to deal with jealousy is to reassure your partner. If you get angry with your partner for getting jealous, things will only get worse. Tell your mate that you’re sorry to have neglected them, if you did neglect them. Or just reassure your mate and let them know how much you love them and care about them. When someone gets jealous, remember, more than anything else, they’re afraid of losing you and they want your attention, badly!

Jealousy and love

When you feel jealous in a relationship, remember that it’s not a bad sign and it’s not something to be ashamed of. It’s just that you care about someone too much and can’t imagine someone new taking them away from you. At times, you may not like your lover flirting with someone because you feel that they’re having a better time, even without you around. This brings out a feeling of insecurity which can turn into bitter jealousy.

Jealousy can be cute if it’s experienced in moderation, but anything beyond that can change your happy relationship into a frustrated one.

Learn to relax and have a good time when you’re in love, instead of suspecting your lover all the time. Jealousy in a relationship is just a subconscious way to get attention, so learn to face situations and communicate with your partner when you feel low.

And always understand the importance of listening when your partner is depressed or angry for no apparent reason. At times like that, there’s almost always a big reason.

At times, jealousy in a relationship may seem trivial, but if not confronted and overcome, jealousy can burn your relationship apart. Understanding and reassurance are what it takes to hold your love together and overpower the green eyed monster that’s lurking in the corners, waiting to hurt you and make you hate your lover. So overcome jealousy in a relationship and reassure, communicate and fall in love with your sweetheart, more with every day!

Always remember that jealousy in a relationship is the fear of losing a lover and not a sign of aggression or possessiveness. Learn to deal with jealousy in a relationship with these simple tips and you’ll have a healthier and happier relationship.

Cheating in a Relationship

Can you really define cheating in a relationship? As complex as the feeling of love may be, affairs and cheating in a relationship are just as complicated, says Roberto Rossi. But who defines cheating, and what constitutes cheating in a relationship?

Cheating in a relationship is a funny business. Painful, most definitely, but it’s extremely hilarious to watch from a third person’s view.

Have you seen how relationships change with time?

And have you noticed how we twist our own promises to our lovers to suit our needs as time passes by?

You kissed someone else because you assumed your partner was cheating? Or did you sleep with another person because your partner just wasn’t showing you any affection?

Is that cheating, or is that just changing the circumstances?

Cheating in a relationship

More often than not, things can sometimes be lost in translation when it comes to your relationship with a loved one. Without clear boundaries set, it’s even more likely that relationships won’t last past the initial honeymoon period.

It seems nowadays you can’t even fart or sneeze without your loved one having opinions about it. Why is this happening?

Only god knows, but as couples become more and more immersed into each other’s daily lives, problems seem to be occurring left, right and center!

Just think about it for a moment. Have you been in a situation where the doubt of infidelity has been so small and so insignificant, but in the end, you ended up having a row with your partner and probably took a few days to resolve it while the dust settled?

Have you been in that situation when in looking at what is positive in the relationship, you instead focus on the negative? There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s up to you to find the torch that can take you there.

Cheating and our own views

Cheating in a relationship can be a confusing affair. Recently, a friend of mine came to me with a dilemma. His girlfriend had left him because he often sent text messages to a female colleague from his workplace.

This girl from work would call him occasionally to talk, to gossip, etc. His girlfriend came to him concerned, and even after he had comforted her over a few glasses of Portuguese Rose, she came right back at him with the sucker punch, “but you always see her at work, why do you need to talk to her even when you’re home?”

His response was somber, and there wasn’t much he could have said back, other than “she’s a friend who likes to talk, what’s wrong with that?” Of course, some level of flirtation probably took place, but let’s be big boys and girls here, who doesn’t flirt in life?

Infidelity creates its own circumstances

As a few months went by, a one-off, random office drinks party ended with my friend and his workmate sharing a kiss. Of course, my tone changed. But in the end, I felt this couple had a lot more going for them then, to allow a stupid kiss to get in the way.

Three years together and a stupid kiss could ruin all of that? Who hasn’t done something stupid which they come to regret, or rather forget? But this is it. When he felt guilty about it and told his girlfriend about the kiss, she was obviously pissed off. But she went one step further. She told him she always knew there was something going on between them.

Fair enough, I thought. She was well entitled to believe that something could come from this because they had locked lips.

But it was her failure to reflect on their relationship to understand that such a scenario was always a minuscule event in a wider picture. She assumed that that one kiss had started an entire illicit relationship between her man and the woman from work, and she just wasn’t ready to accept that perhaps, just maybe, it was an unfortunate event that happened by accident. It could happen to any of us.

Becoming the unfaithful one

Anyone can fall prey to such accidents, given the circumstances and chances of timing. No one’s a saint and no one’s a winner if you really weigh the circumstances.

But as the American actor Henry Winkler once said, “assumptions are the termites of relationships.” They eat at you and your partner, and in the end, just like a termite loves to grind down on wood, the termite assumption eats at the tree you and your partner have grown together.

When is it cheating?

In today’s world, it seems that everything shared between a partner and a friend of the opposite gender is cheating. Absurd, right? Wrong.

You will be surprised at a number of cases where relationships have ended over the most minuscule of things. With respect to sexual infidelity, cheating is only cheating if, ladies, you happen to walk into your room to find some butt naked chick playing with your fella’s nuts (and I’m not talking about food here).

Alternatively, cheating is only cheating if men, you happen to find your lady with her panties in a twist with another man. Well, unless you’re talking about emotional affairs.

Anything is remotely possible today. Think back about my friend, his example is exactly what is killing the average American relationship of a twenty or thirty-something-year-old. We, as humans, are drawn in by our assumptions of situations without allowing ourselves to reflect on the positives. Sounds familiar?

But I hear you saying out loud ‘what could be positive from my partner kissing someone else?’

Well firstly, it’s not as if they slept with them. They didn’t share a night of passion that they would normally have shared with you. Secondly, if you know about it, either they have told you themselves or you’ve found out yourself, but that doesn’t mean they are going to do it again.

If they do, then, of course, it’s cheating in a relationship. But what if it happened in the heat of the moment, a onetime thing? It really could happen to any of us!

Defining cheating in love

The definition of cheating in a relationship is changing with the times. Most relationships end when either one of the individuals involved does the unthinkable. They cheat.

In the U.S. alone, one in three marriages now ends in divorce, and a lot is put down to infidelity issues. In a recent national survey, twenty-two percent of married men have strayed at least once during their married lives, while fourteen percent of married women have had affairs at least once during their married lives. And that’s the number of people that confessed to their deed! Can you even begin to think of the number of secret affairs going on right this minute?

During the 1950’s and 1960’s, cheating was seen as a pass-time. Both genders could openly do more things and people, but today is different.

With the techno-advanced twenty-first century, all forms of communication are a blessing to us. We text, email, have mobiles and interact much more. Socially, we are freer in more ways than ever before, but in trying to be a free spirit like a character out of a Paulo Coelho book, we cause ourselves harm too. The more we interact, the more problems we get into, and more temptations we come across.

So what is cheating?

When one talks about cheating in a relationship, some may think of a lover banging someone else. But as I said, times have changed. Flirting, kissing, cyber-sex, text-sex, email-sex, facebook-sex, even looking at the opposite sex is considering cheating! Forgive me, maybe I just won’t look at the beauty the next time it passes me by.

Seriously though, because people have different opinions about what’s considered cheating, it’s up to you and your partner to decide what the “ground rules” are for the relationship.

What constitutes an act of infidelity varies between and within cultures and depends also on the type of relationship that exists between people. Even within an open relationship, infidelity may arise if a partner in the relationship acts outside of the understood boundaries of the relationship.

Many people agree that there are six basic qualities to healthy, loving relationships. Respect, trust, honesty, fairness, equality, and good communication. Everyone is different when it comes to dating rules, so people should sit down with their partners and agree on what counts as cheating in their relationships.

Discussing these details, however uncomfortable they may seem, is actually the best way to create boundaries in love and avoid cheating in a relationship.